Yes sexual desire is complicated. Are you saying to yourself, “I love my partner, I want to be sexual with my partner, I SHOULD be sexual with my partner but I just can’t get in the mood”? Are you lacking the motivation or desire to make the effort to initiate sex, enjoy sex, or even say yes to sex when your partner initiates? I say sexual desire is complicated because it is. If you are telling yourself these things but you are still not having sex it’s time to start asking yourself “What am I doing to fuel that desire and what is or isn’t happening with my partner in or out of bed that is impacting my ability to get in the mood to have sex?”
Now of course your low libido could be caused by something physical, so of course, visit your ob/gyn or doctor to get yourself checked but in most cases it is usually our head that is driving our low libido . In most cases there are multiple reasons why a person can’t get in the mood… has low sexual desire or a low libido. Low sex drive is rarely caused by one factor, hence the need for sex therapy. In sex therapy we peel the layers of that sexual onion to determine the many factors that are contributing to sexual problems. Some common factors are difficulties in the relationship – resentment about old wounds and unresolved conflict, boredom with our sex life, problems with sexual performance, or a partner with a different sexual style than us. Sometimes it is our own interpersonal stuff like negative sexual schemas that we carry around about ourselves or our partners that may be related to sexiness or sexual behaviors; priorities not related to sex; or a lack of sexual awareness. Also, if you are not getting your basic needs met for your own personal wellness and are stressed or fatigued, then you may not have much energy left for having sex.
So, have I made my point clear yet? Sexual desire is complicated! And life is short, so go get some help!