One of my clients coined this phrase and I just had to share it because I know many men AND women relate to this, often in silence. Whether you or your partner’s penis is too hard, too soft, lasts too long, or doesn’t last long enough, most won’t admit it – it’s a dirty little secret. Words like erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and delayed orgasm make this topic taboo. While many women openly struggle with orgasm –it seems that many men and women struggle with erection problems very privately, hence the obsession. But that’s a Blog for another time. The topic I want to explore in this Blog is what drives erection obsession? One idea is that much of our society seems to think in a linear fashion when it comes to sex. Ask yourself this question, “When do you know when you and your partner are finished having sex?” Most of my clients tell me “When he comes of course.” That is, man gets an erection, he and his partner orgasm, the end. So what happens when it doesn’t happen in precisely this fashion? …Erection obsession.
So what’s the solution? First, it’s important to make sure it’s not related to physical health. After that, well, it depends. A common solution is simply changing the way we think about sex, making love, screwing, doing “it”. That is, thinking about sex cyclically rather than linearly. Of course changing our thoughts isn’t simple but the idea certainly is. By starting with moving our perceptions from the movies to reality – specifically by moving away from the movie model of how sex looks towards what feels pleasurable and sexy, we open up a world of possibilities AND decrease our obsession with the erection. By getting back to the basics of focusing on the pleasures of the entire sexual experience not just intercourse/the thrusting of the penis, we move away from linear thinking to more cyclical thinking. When we think about sex and intimacy in a cyclical fashion, sex doesn’t end just because the man or dominant partner comes, it ends because we have had enough pleasure, are tired, are connected with our partner, or whatever. But not because we feel we didn’t have any other choice. Yes, friends this not so novel an idea. I encourage you to allow sex to be more broad than what you see on TV, movies, and porn. So, have fun and enjoy.