People Lie About Sex

sex and passionPeople lie about sex for many reasons. People lie about sex to have more sex, to have less sex, to avoid embarrassment, to avoid conflict, to avoid hurting others’ feelings, to maintain privacy or to maintain appropriate and healthy personal boundaries. When it comes to sex, people lie to just about everyone about just about everything. At some point or another, people lie to friends as well as past, present, and future sexual partners. People even lie to themselves about sex (hmm… another blog topic).

I think people lie a lot about sex at parties – I think that’s why they call them COCK-TALE parties. 😉

People lie about or give the impression that they are having more sex than they are having – because they don’t want to fall into the statistic of long-term relationships. People lie about how much they enjoy sex with their partner, how much their partner orgasms, or how long their partner lasts before ejaculating because they are embarrassed, because they feel abnormal, or out of respect for their partner. People lie to their partner’s about their sexual satisfaction to avoid conflict and intimacy. People lie about their fantasies to avoid hurting their partner’s feelings. The list goes on and on.

Ultimately, lies about sex create many false myths about sex and sexuality.

These myths about sex and sexuality have huge negative consequences on sexual relationships and sexual satisfaction. Myths and unrealistic expectations about sex like:

“Sex isn’t good unless we orgasm together.”

“Sex is only good if he lasts for 20 minutes or more.”

“Married women don’t fuck – they only want to make love.”

“Penis size always matters.”

“Erectile dysfunction is uncommon and only happens to men over 50.”

“Premature ejaculation is uncommon and only happens to boys under 20.”


You get the idea? If people were actually honest about their sexual desires and sexual functioning and media, Hollywood, and porn weren’t creating so many myths about sex and sexuality, counseling and sex therapy would be focusing a lot more on relationships and childhood wounds than dispelling myths, misconceptions, and downright unrealistic expectations about what sex is supposed to look and feel like. I like this quote by Andy Warhol “Sex is more exciting on the screen and between the pages than between the sheets.” Of course you could interpret this two ways. I think sex can be much better off screen when a couple is authentic, desires one another, and is honest about what they do and don’t want sexually. But when people lie and carry their armor, sexual myths, and unrealistic expectations into the bedroom, then sex becomes boring, unsatisfying, frustrating, a chore, and ultimately a reason for couples counseling or sex therapy.

So get honest in the bedroom – tell your partner what you want and what you like. I would love to hear what happens.

Now go have sex!

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