Size matters you say? Of course everyone’s idea of what makes a great sexual lover varies. Some might say a great lover is naughty or rough, others might say erotic, while another person might say a great lover goes by the name of “Oh God!” More times than not, I find that when people describe a great sexual encounter the theme isn’t specifically about rough, kinky, naughty, or vanilla sex.
The common theme is that great sexual lovers show enthusiasm, curiosity, and desire.
Yes, being with a lover who is enthusiastic about you and the sexual experience gets lovers out of their shells and makes them more enthusiastic themselves. Get two lovers that are enthusiastic sexually and you create a more satisfying sexual experience for both lovers. But enthusiasm isn’t enough – a great sexual lover also makes his or her partner feel desired and wanted.
For most, it doesn’t take a magic wand (pun intended) to become a great lover – just start by asking yourself a few questions. Are you curious about your lover? Are you curious about how your lover will respond to varied touch or do you assume that you know all there is to know about your lover? Are you more focused on pleasure or your performance?
Of course to receive great sex most need to feel relaxed and excited. In my practice, I often find that people feeling insecure about themselves, their bodies, or unsure about their partners can struggle with creating and receiving great sex. Also if they have a performance focus to sex –a focus on orgasm, how hard their erection is, or how long they last, actually have less satisfying sexual experiences than those who are relaxed, curious about their partner, and excited about whatever possibilities arise.
Sexual satisfaction can sometimes seem paradoxical.
The more we try to have an orgasm (See “Orgasm…just the period at the end of a sentence?), get an erection (See “Erection Obsession”), not cum too quickly, the less pleasurable it often is. I often tell my clients who are overly focused on being good lovers to actually practice being selfish lovers (See “Be A Selfish Lover”).
I know some of you are confused – that’s because you’ve let Hollywood into your bedroom.
I get it guys, you’re focused on your dicks because you want to last longer to create great sex with your partner. Unfortunately, I am suggesting the opposite is often the key to great sex. Yes, when guys get too focused on their dicks and less focused on their partner, their partner isn’t feeling desired or wanted, and they finish feeling less satisfied and more disconnected. So bottom line, guys focus less on your dicks and ladies focus less on your body’s imperfections and everyone focus more on what feels good, being enthusiastic, and showing your partner you desire them, and there you have it – great sex… maybe.
Now go have sex!