Tag Archives: therapists

10 MORE Sex Tips #MaySexTips

Here’s more May sex tips for all you couples in relationships as well as flirty singles. If you haven’t seen them all, just follow me on twitter @TalkSexWithLiz . To read about my first 10 sex tips, check out my blog here. I don’t think you or your partner will be disappointed. Also, if you have already tried some of these sex tips or you have feedback on my first 10 sex tips then comment below and let me know how they turned out for you.

Sex Tip#11-“Lick by Numbers.”

Number your body parts in order of how you want to be licked using your partner’s favorite flavor. This is a great way to teach your partner what you like in a fun way. S/he will likely remember this better than verbal instruction and you both will certainly enjoy it more.

Sex Tip#12 – For date night this week, go to a sex toy shop.

My favorite is the Pleasure Chest in West Hollywood . Here you can explore & buy sexcessories to spice up your sex life. Find out some of your partner’s likes, try something new, and maybe even learn something new about your own sexual likes and dislikes.

Sex Tip#13 – Have sex in the kitchen.

I suggest each of you pick out five items in the kitchen to supplement your love making. It may be food, a spoon, or even something more dangerous, but it will definitely be different than sex in bed.

Sex Tip#14 – Watch or read erotica with your partner and share the things that you see or read that you would like to try to do together.

So many of the couples I see think they know everything their partner’s like and dislike but they are often surprised when they approach sex in a state of curiosity rather than all-knowing.

Sex Tip#15 – Instead of your usual foreplay try some partner yoga.

Here’s a great video to get you started. Touching in a way that is sensual without a focus on orgasm or being sexy is sexy in itself. You may tap into a whole new way of being with your partner. If you really enjoy this you may want to start exploring Tantra yoga or Tantric Sex.

Sex Tip#16 – Take turns blindfolding each other as you sensually touch and tease one another. Notice how your other four senses are magnified.

Many people get focused on the physical touch of sex but tapping into our other senses – sight, sound, taste, and smell can definitely intensify our sexual experiences more than you might think. By restraining one sense, it naturally intensifies the others.

Sex Tip#17 – Take a picture of your bare hip/thigh/collarbone/hand/rib cage etc. and text it to your partner as foreplay. Add sexy hints about the pictures you send.

Good foreplay starts way before you enter the bedroom. Remember when you and your partner were dating? Yes, that’s when you felt that on-going sexual energy. You may remember it being so natural and easy but it wasn’t automatic – it took work – it just didn’t feel like it. Start taking time to do fun and enticing things like this and foreplay will feel like “play” rather than work.

Sex Tip #18 – Try some new sexual positions.

Have you gotten into the habit of those predictable sexual positions that are focused on getting you and your partner off? Well that’s all fine for a quickie but when sex is so predictable it gets boring, your senses dull, and your satisfaction and excitement decreases. Here are some ideas for new positions to try tonight.

Sex Tip#19 – Give her the best cunnilingus.

One of my favorite “sexual how to” books is, “She comes First” by Ian Kerner. I guarantee that you and your partner will learn something if you read it. It’s not just for the giver – the receiver can learn something about herself as well.  AND for those people who think they don’t have time to read – you can get it on audio!!

Sex Tip#20 – Give him the best BJ!

The key to a great blow job really is in your level of enthusiasm. Of course technique and novelty is helpful – but that’s something you can learn. My favorite book on increasing your BJ talents is “Tickle His Pickle” By Dr. Sadie. It’s light and funny, yet informative and accurate.

Now…Go Have SEX!!!

Should Marriage Therapists Have Perfect Marriages?

My husband and I recently attended a couples retreat to work on some rough spots in our marriage. Yes people – marriage therapists don’t have perfect marriages! We are human just like you. It was humbling and difficult. While I have no delusions that I am a perfect partner or in a flawless marriage, I do sometimes find it difficult to ask for help when I am the professional that others go to for help.

Many of us marriage and relationship therapists feel embarrassment or even shame for not being able to fix our problems or resolve relationship issues on our own; thinking “If I can’t fix my own problems who the hell do I think I am getting paid to help others?”

At the marriage retreat what I found most humbling was surprising but not surprising. I see it every day in my therapy office; whether my couples are struggling with sexual desire, sexual dysfunction, communication, or rebuilding trust. What I found most humbling personally was struggling to empathize with my partner. As a Sex and Relationship Therapist this is my strength. Dammit – I am great at empathizing – I pride myself in this. That is one of the qualities that make me a good therapist. So to see myself in a battle between empathizing with my partner and being right was almost a surreal experience. I see this all the time with my couples but getting caught up in this myself was disappointing. Now don’t get me wrong – I knew this about myself before the retreat. What I hadn’t realized was how difficult it is for me to change it when I know it’s the solution.

I often tell my couples that empathizing with their partner is often one of the first steps towards change – AND essential for working through difficult relationship issues.

I see couples struggle with empathy towards their partners every day in my therapy office. Couples seeking to understand their partners or to be understood by their partners but getting stuck because one or both of them needs to be right. Years ago, before I became a Sex and Relationship Therapist, I heard a therapist do a talk entitled “You can be right or you can be married.” I agree. Successful, happy relationships and marriages make space for feelings over righteousness.  As you can see this concept has stayed with me and yet it continues to be a challenge for me. So boy do I empathize (smile).  My marriage is a work in progress just like everybody elses – I can be right about that ;-).

Now – quit trying to be right and go have sex!